Domestic Violence is About Power and Control

Domestic violence, also known as intimate partner violence, takes several forms:  physical, emotional, and sexual.  Domestic violence is not about violence directly.  The violence is the method in which the batterer demonstrates his [I will use the male gender because most batterers are men] power and control over his victim. 

 

Ways the batterer exercises his power and control:

1.    Intimidation;

2.    Emotional abuse;

3.    Isolation;

4.    Minimizing (his behavior), denying (his behavior), and blaming (the victim for his bad behavior);

5.    Using the children;

6.    Preventing the victim from having any money of her own;

7.    Male privilege; and

8.    Coercion and threats.

 

The abuser will mix and match methodologies to achieve this highest level of fear in his victim so she will cooperate or meet his demands.  Any combination of any of the above factors is enough to keep the victim from leaving the batterer.

Divorcing spouses who cohabitate

I am personally not a fan or supporter of divorcing spouses who cohabitate.  I have seen too many problems result.  However, in the course of a weak economy, people seem to believe they can make it work.  I disagree.  Following is an extreme and tragic example of why divorcing spouses shouldn’t cohabitate:

An Athens, Georiga couple was going through divorce proceedings.  They attended a court-ordered mediation session that did not result in a settlement agreement.  After the mediation session, the husband beat his wife to death with a baseball bat, called his employer to say he would not be coming in to work that evening, called his attorney to tell her his wife was dead, then committed suicide by shooting himself in the head with a revolver. 

Did I mention the judge had ordered the husband to turn over any guns to another family member while the divorce was pending?

Although the husband was fighting the terms of the divorce, no one saw this violent end coming…not the wife (who had been in good spirits on the day of her murder), the attorneys, or anyone else.  Further, there was no history of domestic violence or allegations of abuse.

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