Divorce Mistakes and Tips

Divorce Mistakes and Tips

1.      Don’t use your children as pawns

2.      Don’t start a new relationship first, then put your divorce second on the “to-do” list

3.      Not hiring an attorney

4.      Using verbal abuse

5.      Rubbing salt in the wound

6.      Using a difficult attorney

7.      Becoming passive

8.      Arguing over who gets what

9.      Serving spouse with divorce papers in embarrassing places

10.  Responding with anger

11.  Not knowing (liquidity) of assets

12.  Failure to consider tax consequences

13.  Not understanding retirement accounts

14.  Overlooking debt and credit rating issues

15.  Not maintaining control over insurance policies

16.  Failure to budget (lifestyle; alimony, child support, etc.)

17.  Failure to identify hidden assets

18.  Negotiating w/o a proper inventory

19.  Letting friends tell you what you need or how to feel

20.  Trying to win spouse back by being generous

21.  Viewing divorce filing as “scare tactic” and therefore, not serious

22.  Being unprepared

23.  Not seeking financial advice

24.  Rushing to court

25.  Failing to untangle your assets

26.  Not considering mediation

27.  Emotional attachment to assets during divorce negotiations

28.  Using your divorce lawyer as a financial planner, therapist, or messenger

29.  Beware of settlement offer that looks too good

30.  Forgetting to update Estate documents

31.  Is there a Power of Attorney, living will, etc. involved

32.  Being in a hurry to settle, for unfavorable terms

33.  Taking advice from lay people

34.  Hiring a lawyer who is not a good fit personally

35.  Hiring a lawyer in a hurry

36.  Getting stuck on minor details, or alimony

37.  Not keeping accurate records of child support payments

38.  Doing a quick and sloppy job on financial records

39.  Neglecting the kids

40.  Not taking outside consultants seriously

41.  Talking too much

42.  Concealing information from your lawyer

43.  Becoming consumed by your divorce

44.  Not seeking emotional counseling

45.  Making unreasonable demands

46.  Making recorded statements to others

47.  Speaking with Opposing Counsel

48.  Not taking your attorney’s advice

49.  Not keeping a parenting notebook

50.  Involving your children in the divorce proceedings

Tips for Preparing for Mediation

1. Know how the process of mediation works in your area
2. Clearly identify the issues in advance
3. Make sure your attorney has clear and current information
4. Make sure your mediator has relevant materials in advance so they can familiarize themselves with your case.
5. Consider preparing charts, spreadsheets, etc. of voluminous information
6. Have 3 copies of everything available:  one for you, one for the mediator, and one for the opposing party
7. Consider your best alternative to a negotiated agreement (if you can’t reach an agreeement, what is your best alternative) and weigh the pros and cons
8. Consider your worst alternative to a negotiated agreeement (what is your worst alternative) and weigh the pros and cons
9. Brainstorm possible solution proposals before mediation begins
10. Anticipate and consider the opposing party’s issues, concerns, and proposed solutions
11. Throughout the process, consider the pros and cons of settling v. going to trial (financial and emotional time costs and the time involved)

Source:  Dick Price, Esq., Divorce and Family Law in Tarrant County, Texas blog

50 Divorce Blogs to Find Advice and Comfort in Hard Times

By Laura Milligan on Soul Mating

Whether you’ve recently separated from your spouse or you’re a single parent ready to move on to another relationship, you can find a lot of free legal advice, therapy and dating tips online. This list of 50 divorce blogs are published with the intention of helping out other separated and divorced individuals as they try to make sense of child custody issues, international divorces, dealing with grief and moving on, and more. Take advantage of these bloggers’ experience and the advice they offer to take back control over your life.

For Women

Women will find these divorce blogs helpful as they read about dating tips, domestic violence and more.

1. Divorce Diva: The Divorce Diva aims to make “divorce a manageable tragedy” for her readers by sharing news stories, book reviews, jokes and great tips for dealing with a divorce.
2. The Emergency Divorce Blog for Women: This blog posts articles about domestic violence “related to divorce” and children.
3. Women’s Divorce Blog: Learn about your legal options and get tips on managing your emotional state after a divorce on this blog.
4. What’s Love Got to Do With It?: This blog explores “why modern women don’t find their Mr. Right” and can serve as a thought-provoking, challenging guide during or after a divorce.
5. Solo Mother: Newly single moms can get tips on coping and managing their hectic lives here.
6. Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce: What Every Woman Needs to Know: Women will find “divorce survival skills” on this blog.

For Men

These blogs are written by and for men who are experiencing divorce.

1. Successful Divorce Planning for Men: Scroll through the archives on this blog to learn about child custody laws and more.
2. Divorce and Evolution: Read the story of this man’s divorce process from his wife of eight years.
3. Divorced Dads Matter: Find support and links to divorce and custody resources here.

Legal Advice

Find free legal advice from these blogs.

1. Lawlady’s Divorce Blog: Get tips on “collaborative divorce” and more from this Seattle holistic divorce attorney.
2. New York Family Law and Divorce: New Yorkers going through a divorce will gain insight into their personal case by reading this blog, which covers news stories and more.
3. The International Family Law Office: Couples with international ties have an even more complicated struggle when trying to figure out a divorce. Turn to this blog for help.
4. NRI Divorce: South Asians and Non-resident Indian couples can use this site as a resource for figuring out relationships, divorce, custody and more.
5. Divorce Lawyers Blog: Get tips on finding a lawyer and navigating the legal process of divorce here.
6. Illinois Divorce Law Blog: Get news stories and advice that are both unique to Illinois cases and relevant to general cases.
7. Divorce Law Journal: This Kentucky divorce law blog also covers news and issues that divorcing couples around the country face.

Dealing with Divorce

From explaining divorce to your children to separating health insurance and other accounts, these blogs have all kinds of tips to help you deal with the different aspects of divorce.

1. Darn Divorce: Here you’ll find “random thoughts and news on the dreaded D-word.”
2. The Evolution of Marriage: This blog can be a helpful resource for those thinking about divorce and those who are already divorced. Read about the natural ups and downs of marriage, as well as the freedom of living on your own.
3. Etiquette for Exes: If you’re having trouble being civil with your ex, turn to this blog for tips on how to stop fighting, especially if you want to make it easier on your kids.
4. Children and Divorce: Learn about children’s rights and how children deal with divorce here.
5. SurviveDivorce.biz: Learn how to manage practical problems, like health insurance and name changes, as well as emotional support on this blog.
6. Children of Divorce Blog: Children of Divorce Blog is another resource for parents concerned with the emotional well-being of their children during a divorce.
7. Divorce Hotline: Read all about divorce issues here, from preparing yourself for legal fights to moving on.

Moving On

How do you know when you’re ready to move on? These blogs provide support and ideas for transitioning to another phase of your life.

1. Thrive After Divorce: The blog for this ezine shares easy-to-remember mantras and gives tips to help divorced men and women move on.
2. Fresh Start After Divorce: Join this community to read articles, connect with others going through a divorce and more.
3. Collaborative Divorce Newsblog: Through regular posts and news stories, this blog aims to help “people make respectful, civilized, values-based transitions from couple to single.”
4. Step by Step: This blog is run by a group of moms who are trying to manage life in a blended family.
5. Unfettered Cravings: Read about this newly divorced man’s X-rated adventures — and fantasies — as he gets back into the dating game.
6. Sexy Ex: Women who have recently suffered through a breakup get tips on how to rejuvenate their sex life here.
7. Prill Boyle’s Defying Gravity: This blog helps those experiencing a major life transition achieve what they want.
8. Life After Divorce: New Horizons: Get tips on recovering from divorce, no matter how old you are.
9. Maine Divorce Law Blog: In addition to covering issues about the legal side of divorce, this blog features stories about divorce culture, American divorce trends and more.
10. Dad’s House: This single dad writes about dating and parenting issues.

General Advice

In this list you can find general tips and advice about managing your divorce case, exploring child custody options and more.

1. Judith’s Divorce Blog: Lawyer Judith Middleton shares her reflections and advice on revenge, compromise and communication.
2. California Divorce Blawg: This blog from California lawyer John E. Harding posts about divorce legal news but also includes other divorce-related news stories, statistics, celebrity divorce news and more.
3. Chicago Divorce Lawyer: While this blog focuses on divorce news and legal information for those in the Chicago area, it also offers up divorce book reviews, articles on choosing a divorce lawyer and divorce etiquette.
4. Florida Divorce: Read up on child custody cases and divorce-related news to learn about settling finances and more.
5. Divorce Blog: Read news stories and other articles relating to divorce and legal issues here.
6. The Divorce Blog: Recent posts on this blog address news stories, politics and divorce, and remarriage.
7. Generation Ex Files: This blogger addresses divorce issues relating to children, surviving the holidays, working out family problems and more.
8. Divorce Information: Recent posts on this blog include “Should You Stay or Should You Go?” and “I’m Movin’ On.”
9. Lifestyle of a Divorced Single Mom: This single mom writes about life lessons, relationship issues, managing work, and more.

Go-To Resources

These go-to resources include a directory to help you find a lawyer, news stories about family law, and personal blogs about getting through a divorce.

1. Total Divorce Blog: Recent posts on this blog include “Making Patchwork Families Work” and “Divorce Lawyers See More Digital Evidence,” reporting legal news and giving tips on divorced families.
2. Divorce Find: This bare bones blog posts the 10 most recent articles on its site plus other divorce resources for finding lawyers.
3. Divorced at 50: This blogger got divorced after a 32-year relationship and now writes articles and posts information for those needing legal, emotional and financial advice.
4. Your Child – Your Divorce: If you’re going through a divorce and want advice on how to explain it to your children, turn here.
5. Daily Stories on Divorce and Family Law: Here you’ll find stories from different news services covering divorce, child custody and more.
6. Divorce Blog: This UK-based site has articles about about children and divorce, divorce law, moving on and more.
7. First Wives World: This networking community also features blog posts that offer support and practical advice for divorced women.
8. Divorce@Suite101: This resource features articles and more for those experiencing divorce and for divorced singles.

100 Tips and Resources to Get You Through a Divorce

Christina Laun over at the Love Coach put together this amazing list of tips and resources! 

Tips

Try following these basic tips to get through the early stages of your divorce.

1. Accept that it’s over. Your divorce may have come as a surprise and you may not be the one that wants the split, but hanging on to a relationship where one partner isn’t committed is just going to make you more miserable in the long run. Start learning to accept that your marriage is over and thinking about your life after the split.
2. Set realistic goals. Like with any breakup, it’s going to take time to get over your divorce. Set personal goals for yourself that are both challenging and realistic to help you get back on track.
3. Get to know the laws of your state. Depending on the state you’re in, what you’re entitled to after a divorce can vary widely. Read up on divorce law in your state to find out what you’ll be facing in court.
4. Protect your assets. You may think it can’t happen to you, but some spouses have drained joint accounts, racked up huge expenses and more when they know divorce is on the horizon. As soon as you can, dissolve joint accounts, resolve life insurance policies and make sure other valuables are in a secure, third-party location until the divorce is over.
5. Be open and honest with your children. If you have children, be honest with them about what is going on. Avoid laying blame and talking bad about your spouse, however, as this will only serve to confuse and hurt children.
6. Keep it civil. You may be fighting mad at your spouse but screaming at them and being unnecessarily mean won’t make you feel any better. Keep things as calm and as civil as you can.
7. Be reasonable. Marriage is all about compromise and so is divorce. Be reasonable in what you expect to take away from it so neither of you end up with additional animosity towards one another.
8. Seek out support. Going through a divorce can be rough and you’ll likely need the support of friends and family to get through it. If you don’t feel you can talk to them, find a support group or therapist where you can vent.
9. Hire a lawyer you trust. Getting a good lawyer is essential to not getting taken for a ride during your divorce. Try to find someone that your friends and family can recommend or whom you feel comfortable with.
10. Don’t settle for less than you’re entitled to. It may be tempted to cut negotiations short just to get things over with, but taking less that you deserve will hurt you in the long run. Keep negotiations calm and collected and follow through to the end.
11. Avoid forcing children to choose sides. No matter who is at fault for the divorce, children are going to love and want to be with both parents. Don’t force children to choose sides or use them to pass on hurtful messages to your spouse.
12. Keep yourself healthy and rested. With all the stress from a divorce it can be hard to make time to eat right, get enough sleep, and generally take are of yourself. You aren’t doing yourself any favors by doing this, however, so set the time aside to tend to your own needs.
13. Don’t say or do anything you don’t want to show up in court. You may have a lot of choice words for your spouse, but during a divorce it’s probably better to keep them to yourself. You never know what may be used against you in court.

Helpful Websites

Check out these websites for advice, information, resources, links and more.

1. DivorceInfo.com: Check out this site for advice on child support, mediation, alimony, property division and more.
2. DivorceSupport.com: Everything you need to know about getting divorced you can find on this page with resources by state, forums, downloads and a variety of other resources.
3. DivorceHQ: This site provides resources for a wide range of divorce related issues including alimony, child support, visitation, separation, divorce attorneys and a whole lot more.
4. Divorce Dex: Here you’ll find an index of 100’s of divorce related terms that can provide you with the information and guidance you need to make educated choices.
5. The Smart Divorce: Pay this site a visit to get advice and find consulting services that can help you survive a divorce intact.
6. DivorceNet: Get advice on the divorce laws in your state and find out about a myriad of divorce issues that will affect you and your family on this site.
7. Divorce Magazine: This site can be a good place to find a lawyer, get some of your questions answered and read some helpful articles.
8. Divorce Support: This About.com resource guide can provide you with articles on topics like child custody, differences in state divorce laws and more.
9. Divorce Online: Find listings, information and a number of useful divorce resources on this large site.
10. Woman’s Divorce: Get tips and information created to help women make the transition through divorce on this site, including issues with money, children and careers.
11. Dad’s Divorce: Dads going through a divorce can find news, articles, resources, legal assistance and much more here.
12. Divorce Interactive: Check out this site for discussion forums on divorce as well as state-by-state guides that can answer your questions on divorce.

Blogs

Read these blogs to get advice from divorce lawyers and find support from others going through a hard divorce.

1. Thrive After Divorce: Give this blog a read for advice on ways that you can care for yourself to rebuild your life, self-worth and finances after a divorce.
2. Judith’s Divorce Blog: Get reflections on divorce and separation from Judith Middleton, a practitioner of divorce law.
3. Lawlady’s Divorce Blog: Divorce attorney Stefani Quane practices law in Seattle, Washington and blogs about issues related to divorce and divorce laws on this blog.
4. Life After Divorce: New Horizons: Learn to grow and expand your horizons after a divorce by checking out the posts on this blog by Annie O’Neill
5. Christian Living After Divorce: Those who follow the Christian faith may appreciate this blog which provides faith-based insights on how to deal with life after divorce.
6. Fresh Start After Divorce Blog: Join this community of divorcees to get support and inspiration. The blog provides weekly posts on ways you can recover and rebuild after divorce.
7. One Father’s Struggle With Separation and Divorce: Follow the recovery of this doting dad from his divorce as he posts inspiration that can help you realize you’re not alone in your struggles.
8. Divorce Advice: Get advice on everything from choosing the right lawyer to healing after divorce on this new blog.
9. Top Divorce Tips: This blog is full of tips that can help you deal with the emotional, financial and legal issues that arise when you get divorced.
10. Divorce My Way: Get financial and emotional advice from Certified Divorce Financial Analyst Judith Gerhart to help you through your divorce with finances intact.
11. Break Up Stories: Read about break up stories on this blog. It can be a great way to vent and get support.
12. Celebrity Divorce: You’re not the only one out there getting a divorce. Check out this blog for the dirt on dozens of celebrity splits and relationships.

Support Groups and Forums

There’s no reason to go through a divorce without someone to talk to and comfort you. These organizations and sites can provide the support and help you need to get through a divorce.

1. DivorceCare: Find a support group and get advice on healing from divorce with the resources provided through this divorce counseling group.
2. Divorce Recovery 101: This site aims to provide a supportive environment as well as information on a wide range of divorce related topics.
3. How to Find a Divorce Support Group: iVillage has put together this article to point you in the right direction if you’re struggling to find a support group during or after your divorce.
4. Banana Splits: This support group is designed to help the children of divorced parents come to terms with their new living situation. Children will get a safe place to talk and express their feelings. Check out their site for groups meeting near you.
5. Parents Without Partners: Meet up with other newly single parents and learn from each other on how you’re coping with being parents while going through or after a divorce.
6. DivorceStep: Here you’ll find support and information on dealing with issues surrounding both divorce and the establishment of a step-family.
7. Daily Strength: On this site you’ll be able to chat with other divorcees, create goals for yourself, and ask questions to help you get through your divorce.
8. The Divorce Forum: This community for people going through a divorce provides discussion boards, suggested reading, seminars, radio shows and more.
9. Divorce Care and Support: Based on MSN, this community is committed to helping people move through a divorce. It provides a message board, resource center and chat rooms.
10. Divorce Survivors Support Group: Check out this group for a collection of resources geared towards men as well as a chat room, discussion board and a whole lot more.
11. I Wish I Said No!: Don’t harbor regrets about your marriage. Get it all out on this site’s forum which provides help and support for those going through a divorce.
12. Divorce360: Here you can find a supportive community for those going through a divorce with special emphasis on issues of moving on, child support, and more.

Must Read Articles

These articles cover some divorce basics, give helpful advice, and let you know what to watch out for when going through a divorce.

1. Non-Legal Resources to Get You Through Your Divorce: While lawyers may be your major expenditure during your divorce make sure to take care of your other needs as well. This article provides information on how to find support groups, therapists and accountants as well.
2. 10 Things Not to Do When You Divorce: Going through a divorce can be an emotionally and physically trying time, but don’t make it harder than it has to be. Follow these tips and avoid a lot of unnecessary stress.
3. Tips for Dealing With Anger During a Divorce: Emotions can run high during a divorce but that doesn’t mean you have to let them affect your life negatively. These tips can help you control your anger and reduce your stress.
4. Move On After a Divorce: Check out this article for tips on how you can move on after a painful divorce and find happiness and maybe even love again.
5. Top Ten Myths of Divorce: People have a lot of misconceptions about divorce. Read this article to find out the truth behind the myths.
6. Divorce Dirty Tricks: Read up on these tricks and traps spouses use to cheat each other out of money and other marital assets.
7. Tips for an Impending Divorce: You know you’re getting divorced but you don’t know where or how to begin preparing. This article can give you some guidance and insight on what to expect and what to do.
8. What to Take When You Go: Learn what items you are legally entitled to take with you when you separate.
9. Guide to Grieving: Coping With a Divorce or Relationship Breakup: Get some advice on how to deal with the painful emotional consequences of divorce from this helpful guide.
10. Divorce Matters: Coping With Stress and Change: Getting divorced can make you feel like your life is coming apart at the seams. Get a little advice on dealing with all the changes and anxiety from this guide.
11. 10 Tips for Marriage After Divorce: Learn how to make it work the second time around with tips from this article that include learning from your mistake and settling your first marriage.
12. How to Divorce as Friends: Provided there is no source of animosity between you, you and your spouse may be able to divorce amicably. Check out this site for more information.

Divorce and Kids

Going through a divorce is difficult, but it can be even more so when kids are involved. Ensure your children have the support they need by checking out these resources.

1. Helping Your Child Through a Divorce: KidsHealth provides this article to give parents advice on guiding their kids through a divorce
2. The Effects of Divorce on Children and How to Cope: Divorced dads can get some help from this About.com article on how they can make divorce less stressful on their children.
3. Keep Close to Home After a Divorce: Studies have shown that having both parents close by after a divorce is key to children’s success. Read this article for more information.
4. A Kid’s Guide to Divorce: This site can provide information about divorce to your kids in a manner they can understand. It’s available in both English and Spanish.
5. Kids’ Turn: This non-profit organization is dedicated to helping kids (and their parents) get through a divorce. It is based in San Francisco, but has programs all over the US.
6. Sandcastles Program: Sandcastles was started in Dade County, Florida and now has programs in places all over the US. In many cases it is mandatory and can help children to understand and deal with issues surrounding divorce.
7. Putting Kids First: This organization is dedicating to helping strengthen families both divorced and not and can be a good resource for advice on helping your children through divorce.
8. How to Prepare for Child Custody Mediation: Find out what you can expect from a child custody mediation and what you should be prepared to present and comment on when you go in with help from this article.
9. The Youngest Victims of Divorce: Learn ways you can help protect your children from the most unpleasant aspects of divorce with some help from this article from eNotAlone.com:
10. Dealing With Divorce: 7 Tips to Protect Your Kids: Here you can get some helpful tips on making your divorce a little less painful for your children.
11. Seven Simple Tips About Child Custody Issues: Battling it out over who gets the kids can be a long and painful affair, but this article can help you resolve some of the major issues more easily.
12. Child Custody: Tips for Building Your Case: Create a bulletproof child custody case with a little help from the advice on this article.
13. Success Factors for Fathers Seeking Custody of Their Children: Learn what can make all the difference for dads seeking sole custody of their kids including attorneys, being actively involved, and having the right judge on your case.

Finances

No doubt about it, divorce can put a hefty dent in your finances. Help limit the impact by giving these sites a read.

1. Going Through a Divorce: This guide from the NIH Credit Union is designed to give you some suggestions on saving your finances and your credit before and after your divorce.
2. Going Through a Divorce Without Going Broke: Geared towards women, this article provides information on how you can prevent your divorce from causing you financial ruin. It gives tips on what to do before, dealing with child support and alimony, and how to choose a lawyer.
3. Credit and Divorce from the FTC: The Federal Trade Commission goes over how getting a divorce may affect your credit and ways to protect yourself beforehand.
4. Ten Divorce Tax Tips: Getting divorced can complicate a lot of things, including taxes. This article can ensure you know what to do when it comes tax time.
5. Dealing With the Financial Impact of Divorce: This article can help you learn the various ways divorce may impact your finances and what you can expect.
6. Four Post-Divorce Financial Tips: Divorce can wreck havoc on your finances, but you can learn how to recover with these tips and suggestions.
7. Divorce and Your Finances: The Seven Most Costly Mistakes: Don’t make the mistakes outlined in this article if you want to go through your divorce without going broke.
8. The Financial Consequences of Divorce: This CBS News report can give you some advice on how you can save money while going through a divorce.
9. Financial Survival Guide for Divorce: Check out this BankRate article which can help you learn how to go through a divorce while keeping yourself financially in the black.
10. Divorce and Dividing Marital Assets: The Equality in Marriage Institute provides this informative article on how your assets may be divided depending on where you live.
11. Dividing Marital Assets In Your Divorce Settlement Agreement: Make sure you get everything that you deserve in a divorce by reading this article.
12. Dividing Assets: What to Do in a Divorce: Get some advice on how assets can be divided if you choose to divorce and what the laws may provide for in your area.

Legal Resources

If you’re getting divorced, chances are pretty good you’re going to need legal representation. These sites can help you find a lawyer and provide helpful information on learning the law about divorce.

1. State-By-State Divorce Laws: Find out what the laws in your state are regarding divorce. You’d be surprised at the ways divorce laws vary, so educate yourself on what to expect.
2. Divorce Source: This site provides a large listing of legal professionals that specialize in divorce as well as advice and information on divorce laws.
3. Divorce Law Info: Find out everything you’ll need to know about the legal aspects of your divorce with the information provided by this site. You’ll even find all the paperwork you need if you choose to do it yourself.
4. Cornell University Law School: Divorce: Learn about the legal ins and outs of getting a divorce through the definitions and information provided by this university site.
5. About Divorce.org: This site aims to create a comprehensive place to find legal resources, information on state laws and a variety of other legal based advice.
6. Divorce Helpline: You may be able to find legal support on this site that will actually keep you out of court and make the process easier on you. The service is limited to those in California, however.
7. Millennium Divorce: Here you’ll find divorce laws and information for dealing with separation, divorce, child custody, and mediation.
8. FindLaw: Check out this site if you’re in need of a divorce lawyer. It has listings for lawyers nationwide and helpful information on legal issues.
9. Can You Do Your Own Divorce?: Do you really need a lawyer? This site examines the practice of do-it-yourself divorces.
10. Preparing for the Worst: Prenuptial Agreements: This article goes through the reasons and legal issues behind prenuptial agreements in case of a divorce.
11. Military Law and Divorce: Sometimes different rules apply to those in the military or married to a servicemember who want to get a divorce. Check out this site to find out what issues you may be facing.
12. Common Law Marriage: Even though you may not be technically married, some states recognize common law marriages. You can find more information on this site about the legal issues that may arise from this.
13. Annulment Law: If you believe your marriage may be eligible for an annulment rather than a divorce read up on the details provided by this article.
14. Moving Out: Some Misconceptions: Deciding who moves out and when can be a tricky issue when it comes to divorce. This article can help you protect your legal rights and ensure the separation is smooth.